A Head Full of Wrackspurts
by Jadyne Farrow
Summary: Luna Lovegood has been slipping into a world of darkness and doesn't know if she can be pulled out. Can anyone help the girl who believes in everyone but herself? Rated T for Suicide, Self-harm, some language, maybe a bit of romance and slight sexual parts, possibly?
1. Chapter 1

Luna Lovegood was normally a very upbeat, dreamy, positive soul. While deemed loony by many, she was never afraid to be herself and was always comfortable in the skin she was in. She treasured the time she spent with the few friends she had and was always kind and loyal to them.

Today, however, Luna woke up and skipped breakfast, claiming that she had no appetite. She had also skipped lunch, so by the time she got to potions, her stomach was growling, her mind felt foggy, and she felt strangely hopeless and irritable. It wasn't the first time, but now it was becoming more apparent and much bigger than Luna thought.

Following potions class, Luna felt something inside that pushed her away from her next class. It was some sort of dark force. The grey cloud, she called it. It followed her everywhere and lead her places. And it often lead her to the lavatory, usually with a pencil sharpener, much like today.

 _No one will notice if I miss just one class,_ she thought as she sat in the stall of the first-floor girl's bathroom with a screwdriver and a pencil sharpener she had smuggled in from the muggle world.

 _And the socks and sweater will cover them up anyway, so no one will see them. No one will notice anything, right?_

* * *

It was Hermione Granger who first noticed something was wrong.

About a week or so after Luna's behavior had begun, Hermione had only taken bird bites of food or simply shifted it around her plate. Somedays she didn't take anything at all. During one Friday morning at breakfast, Hermione had left her plate completely bare.

"Hermione, you should eat something," Ginny urged in concern.  
"Ron's told me you have a killer potions exam today and you don't do as well on an empty stomach."

The mousy-brown haired witch shook her head.

"I'm not hungry," she sighed.

"That's what you said yesterday, and the day before, and everyday the past week. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Hermione glanced over at the Ravenclaw table only to be greeted by a vacant spot.

"I'm worried about Luna," she confessed as she turned back to the table.

"Why?" Neville asked, suddenly looking up from his breakfast.

"She's been skipping meal times. I know she doesn't eat much regularly, but she's never simply skipped a meal. On top of that, I've heard people talking about how she's always in one of the girl's bathrooms during classes, and Padma's told me that she doesn't come back to the common room until very late at night."

"Maybe she's just spending time with the thestrals," Harry suggested.

Hermione shook her head.

"I know she likes them, but she's never spent so much time with them. On top of that, how does that explain her going to the girl's bathroom so often?"

Ron and Harry shrugged. Hermione looked over at the front door, only to see a girl with blonde hair holding a cloak. Their eyes met for a second before she turned away and walked on, a bit faster.

"I'll be right back," Hermione said as she got up and sprinted towards the door.

* * *

Hiding in the girl's bathroom on the first floor was something Luna had only just begun to do. She knew barely anyone came in there, so it was perfect if she needed to cry or do something else to feel emotion.

"Oh, look who it is."

Well, except for one tiny detail; Moaning Myrtle. Luna looked up to see the ghost girl with brown pigtails and glasses looking down at her from outside of the stall.

"Why, it's Lachrymose Lovegood. Coming in here to give yourself relief? I've see you've got your pencil sharpener and screwdriver."

"Not now, Myrtle," Luna sighed.

"I don't understand why you even use a razor or a small piece of metal like that. Why don't you just cut your whole arm off?"

"Because I don't want to kill myself," Luna replied calmly.

"Oh, are you so sure? You don't sound so certain, Lovegood."

A few moments passed without a response. Then Myrtle spoke again.

"You know you look so much like your mum. I think her name was Pandora, right?"

Luna nodded.

"I get that a lot."

Myrtle sighed as she floated down beside Luna.

"I remember her. She came a few years after I died. Pandora was the kindest person I'd ever met. She'd come in here and spend time with me. She liked to sing too and she had the sweetest voice."

"Yes, she did," Luna sighed smiling a little and dropping her tools.  
"She used to sing me to sleep when I was little. She even taught me to sing a bit. Of course, I don't think I'm even half as talented or beautiful as she was."

"Oh, I doubt that. Your mum was beautiful inside and out. She had to have given her genetics to someone and I've heard you're an only child."

Luna blushed a little before going back to her work. Moments later Myrtle spoke again..

"You know, we're not so different, Luna," Myrtle pointed out.

Luna looked up from her craft again and raised an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"We're both outcasts, we barely have any friends, and we're both very strange. And, you know, it gets quite lonely in this bathroom. I could use a little companionship. Since you're the only one who's even bothered to visit me this year so far, perhaps something could be...arranged?"

Luna cocked her head to one side in confusion and Myrtle giggled.

"Aww, how adorable."

"I don't know what you mean, Myrtle."

"Oh, it wouldn't be painful. I could just possess you and drain your life. Then you'd be a ghost like me. You'd finally have a friend."

"You're suggesting I...commit suicide?"

"Oh no, suicide is such a harsh word," Myrtle gasped.  
"I prefer to call it assisted ceasing of life. It would be quite quick and painless. I wouldn't want you to scream or die in agony."

"But who would feed the thestrals?"

"You can still do that. It would just be a bit more difficult. But thestrals can see ghosts, you know. They'd still recognize you. And you'd get to spend more time with Helena."

Luna's eyes widened with interest. She had wanted to spend more time with Helena Ravenclaw.

"Maybe you're right, Myrtle. I doubt anyone would miss me anyway. Maybe I'm better off dead."

"Luna?" a familiar voice asked.

In a panic, Luna quietly flung the cloak she had brought along. It was Harry's invisibility cloak.

"Don't worry. I can take care of this," Myrtle assured her.

She floated up to face the fellow witch.

"Myrtle, where's Luna?" Hermione asked.

"Luna who?" Myrtle asked innocently.

Beneath her cloak, Luna could hear Hermione scoff in disbelief. Next she began to hear stall doors banging open and panicked a little. She shuffled her feet further under the cloak quietly as Hermione approached her stall.

"Luna?" Hermione called.

Each time Hermione kicked open a stall door, Luna's heart jumped in her chest. Soon Hermione had only one stall left; Luna's. She kicked the door open violently, but no one was there. She huffed in frustration and began to leave. By this time, Luna had unscrewed the pencil sharpener and proceeded to drag it across her arm. But something made her dig in deeper and she gave a small cry of pain, dropping the sharpener and blade.

Hermione's footsteps halted. Before she knew it, Luna's way out was blocked by Hermione once again. Luna shut her eyes tightly, hoping Hermione wouldn't know there was an invisibility cloak. Her stomach clenched in fear and tears began to fall down her face when she felt a flourish of air hit her face. Hesitantly she opened one eye and peeked upwards. Where had the cloak gone?

"There you are," Hermione gasped in relief.  
"What are you doing in here?"

Luna jumped as she pulled out her wand in defense and stood up.

"Just let me be, Hermione Granger," she said calmly.

"There's no need for magic, Luna," Hermione assured her.  
"I just want to talk to you."

Suddenly her eyes fell on the razor which was slightly covered in blood. Her stomach jumped, assuming the worst. In a flash, Hermione had her wand out.

"There's no need for magic, Hermione," Luna assured her.

"Luna, if that blade is being used for what I think it is, I swear I will use any and every spell that I know to keep it from happening again."

"I'm fine, Hermione," Luna said as she attempted to shuffle around her.

"I don't think you really are. I think something's wrong."

Luna stood still for a moment, glaring at Hermione. Then before she knew it, Luna dashed around Hermione and ran out of the girl's bathroom. It seemed she was headed for the astronomy tower. This made Hermione's stomach jump. If Luna got up there, and she wasn't fine like she claimed to be...

"I can't let this happen," she told herself angrily as she ran to obtain help.

* * *

Tears streamed down Luna's face as she made it to the highest point in the school; the Astronomy Tower. Her wand still in hand, she walked over to the ledge and curled up into a ball.

Nothing seemed to make Luna happy anymore, especially now that she knew she was making Hermione unhappy. Tears rolled onto her stockings, nearly freezing on contact. It was near Christmas, but Luna felt less than merry.

"Maybe I could give Hogwarts the greatest present of them all," she sniffled.  
"My death."

She shivered as she stood up and brushed the snow off of herself. With resolve, she turned and looked below. It was snowing quite violently, so people might not notice anything until it was too late. Hands trembling from the cold, she climbed up onto the ledge and looked down once again. It was a good 20, maybe 30, meters to the ground, and from where she was standing, the snow didn't look very soft. Perhaps she would hit her head against the wall on her way down. Or cut her arm open on one of the sharp bits sticking out. Perhaps she would simply die of hypothermia. It didn't matter. Death was death and Luna had seen enough of it in her life. It was time for her to experience it.

She turned her head up to the sky.

"I'll be with you soon, mum," she whispered before facing forward.

She closed her eyes and held her arms out. Shifting her weight forward, she began to feel herself plunge and smiled.

" _Arresto Momentum!_ "

Luna felt something hit her in the back and suddenly her fall had come to a halt. She opened her eyes as something pulled her far away from the ledge. A shadow hovered above her and she closed her eyes again.

"If you touch me or speak to me, I'll do it," she growled.  
"Just let me go, whoever you are."

There was a moment of silence as Luna anticipated for the tension to explode. Then suddenly she felt a hand gently touch her shoulder and she slapped it away before sprinting back towards the ledge.

" _Stupefy!_ " another voice yelled in desperation.

The spell hit Luna in the back again. She felt herself falling against the ledge and saw only two pairs of feet before she lost sight of where she was. Everything was going black all of a sudden. As she fell mentally, Luna hoped and prayed that death was going to take her at last.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Now I'm gonna try first person POV._**

 _"I can't believe she'd do that!"_

 _"Tried to jump 25 meters. Why?"_

 _"I told you something was off about her!"_

 _"Is she going to be okay?"_

Light hit my eyes as I awoke. Everything was blurry at first as I slowly opened my eyes. There were about a dozen people by my bedside.

"She's awake!" someone exclaimed.

"Oh thank God!" one girl sighed as she began to cry.

Was the girl crying for me? Impossible.

"W-what happened? Where am I?" I asked in a dazed tone.

"Luna, why?" a girl in a Ravenclaw robe asked me.

The girl looked to be about my age.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Alright, everyone out of the way!" a familiar voice exclaimed.  
"Get back to your dormitories."

"I'm staying," the girl resolved.

"Miss Lydia, please go back to your dormitory."

"Not until I know she's safe. Please, Professor Flitwick!"

"Do you want her to stay, Luna?"

I gave this some thought. The girl called Lydia seemed to have some concern for me. I nodded.

"Alright, you may stay," he told her as she sat down in the chair next to my bedside.

"Professor Flitwick, what happened?"

"I'd like to ask you the same question, Luna," another familiar voice said in teared fury.

I glanced up to see Hermione, her face stained with tears, at the door leading into the Hospital Wing. Beside her were Ginny, Ron, Neville, Harry, Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Dumbledore.

"What do you mean?" I asked as they walked up to my bedside.

"Don't give me that," Hermione scoffed in anger.

"You almost got yourself killed!"

"Luna, if you were hurting, you could've talked to us about it," Ginny added with sympathy.

This didn't feel right. I didn't want them to be burdened by me, so I shook my head.

"I'm fine, really," I lied.

"I don't think almost getting yourself killed says someone is fine," Lydia added in tears.

"Oh God! I should've asked you sooner," Hermione moaned in agony.

"It's not your responsibility, Hermione," I told her.

"Luna, I care about you!" she nearly screamed.  
"Don't you understand that? You're like the little sister I never had."

A sense of shock ran through me. I had a feeling she did care a bit about me, but to the point where she thought of me as like her family? The thought never crossed my mind.

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course!" she cried as tears fell down her face.

"We all do, Luna," Ginny added.  
"We're willing to listen if you're hurting, which it seems like you are."

"Seems like it?" Hermione gasped.  
"She had a blade covered in blood in the girl's bathroom, and I overheard her telling Moaning Myrtle that she'd be better off dead!"

Everyone turned to me and stared.

"Bloody hell," Ron gasped.  
"You're hurting that badly?"

I shook my head.

"I told you! I'm fine!" I urged them.

"Will you stop lying already?" Hermione gasped.  
"You nearly committed suicide!"

"You have no proof that it was suicide!" I snapped.

"I beg to differ," a low voice snaked into the conversation.

I looked up to meet the eyes of Professor Snape.

"You had your arms out, you were on the ledge, and leaning over. For someone in Ravenclaw, you should know that suicide is a stupid course of action."

The last sentence made me turn slightly red in anger. True that it wasn't the best action, but did he really expect me to be able to think clearly whilst I was in a state of complete hopelessness?

"You saw her in the tower, Severus?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed.

"Miss Granger had come running into my office and told me she believed Miss Lovegood had intentions to take her own life immediately. Naturally, I followed and her suspicions were proven correct."

"Is it true, Miss Lovegood? Did you intend to kill yourself?" Dumbledore asked me.

I gulped and my eyes mentally darted left and right. I knew it was best to be honest, but I was also worried they would send me to an insane asylum. Besides, solitary confinement is not the solution to the suicidal. However Hermione was starting to have more support and my cover was starting to fall apart. Perhaps it was best to confess right there and then.

I sighed and nodded, my eyes glancing downward in shame.

"I did," I whispered low.  
"I did intend to kill myself."

I heard a sudden clamor of footsteps and a door slam. I glanced up and found that there was one less person in the room.

"Where's Neville gone?" I asked.

"I dunno," Ron shrugged.

"I'll go check on him," Harry volunteered and he turned and started out.

I scanned the room for who else was there. Professor Snape was towering over the majority in annoyance and concern. Professor McGonagall was sighing as shaking her head. Professor Dumbledore was...just watching; it was kind of like his favorite soap opera had just come on.

Ron had his lips pursed in awkwardness. Hermione was attempting to hold back tears. Ginny was rubbing her back trying to comfort her. Surprisingly Lydia, once blubbering in tears, was now completely stoic. I was a little confused.

"You're not going to send me to an insane asylum, are you?" I asked Dumbledore, a bit of fear trailing in my tone.

"No," he replied.  
"Mental hospitals don't really do much to help; there's still some stigma of mental illness in the muggle world. You can stay at Hogwarts for now, but you'll have to stay in the hospital wing for a while."

"You're not going to tell my dad, are you? He has enough strain as it is."

There was a moment of silence as Dumbledore considered the request. My heart clenched tightly in my chest and my lungs seemed to shrink. I could hear my heartbeat beating in my brain like a military drum. The last person I would want to tell about this would be my dad. Well, actually You-Know-Who would be the last, but he's a close penultimate.

"We shall see. I think you'd better be heading back," he said turning to Hermione, Ginny, and Ron.

"I'm not leaving," Hermione said harshly.  
"Professor, I'm not sure if I trust Luna to be left alone."

"I understand you possess a great deal of concern, but I have someone else who will be keeping her company."

"Who?"

"They prefer to remain unnamed for now, but they have a fairly significant amount of knowledge in this subject. Now come along."

Dumbledore escorted my reluctant friends and the other teachers out. I looked around the room. I was the only patient in the Hospital Wing.

"I wonder who Dumbledore's assigned to help me with this."

"Wonder no more," a voice beside me said.

I turned to see Lydia sitting cross-legged on the chair beside my bed.

"Weren't you in tears earlier?"

She nodded.

"It was more of a cover, not that I'm not concerned about you, Luna, because I am."

"But why did Dumbledore assign you?"

Lydia sighed and switched her crossed legs.

"Because I have depression myself. I've also done quite a bit of research on the subject. And he's right, you know."

"Right about what?"

"The muggle world still has quite a bit of stigma towards mental health problems. Even I still have some internal stigma."

"You do?"

"Indeed. And even if I need the help for it, I still feel scared to be put on-hold in a hospital. To me, me being held in a mental hospital is one way of failing myself, which actually almost happened to me."

I looked at her in amazement, sadness, and shock. She seemed to hand


End file.
